I was born to a wonderful father and mother (Dale and Doris Mathews) in the greater Chicago land area in 1936. If you do the math, that makes me 81 years of age this year. Even though I am 81 years of age, I am still golfing, and enjoying life. On one hand, this may not seem significant, but considering I was in a serious car accident and broke my neck and a spine bone in Oct 2016 – this is a miracle by any definition. Above are two photos of me over the last seven months – separated by a cleansing heart.
The primary two reasons for me to write this story is to help people realize that forgiveness is difficult, but life giving; and illustrate God’s love is intended to be shown through each of us, and when we do – we are blessed with a long life.
During my broken neck experience, I had a lot of time to reflect on the mercies and favor of God. How does an 80-year old man whose parents both died before they reached 70, recuperate from such a serious accident? As I have reflected during the last seven months, I have considered the sober reminder of life and death; and realize how true the Bible passage in Proverbs 18:21 is: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Let me explain.
I am the oldest of six children born to Doris and Dale Mathews, and by all accounts should have been the first one to experience death. This reasoning is not because I am the oldest, but because many of the choices I made earlier in life, and the three times I underwent life threatening surgeries. I have always been a large boned person and classified as a high health risk due to my weight. Without going into great detail, rest assured, that there is no logical reason that I should have outlived any of my siblings. During the past twelve months both my youngest sister and brother both passed away with very little notice, and yet I lived through my third major surgery.
Most recently, a very sober truth came to me! During each of my major surgeries (cancer surgery, triple bypass heart surgery, and neck surgery) I made it a point to call my children and make sure they not only knew I loved them, but that I forgave them, and asked for forgiveness. Rest assured, this was not a perfectly laid out plan, nor perfectly executed speech to each of my seven children. However, the first step was to open my mouth and speak ‘life’ before I faced the possibility of death. The mere act of opening my mouth and using my tongue to speak life was ‘power’ unto life vs. death. I vividly recall how important this act of forgiveness and love for each of my children was.
The act of forgiveness with our spoken words is a powerful action that truly does bring life or death. I was reminded of this very vividly in 2016 as I lost my youngest brother. I trust as I detail my brother’s situation, he would now approve as it is intended to help many people seek forgiveness. My youngest brother was very similar to I throughout my life, yet ended up in a very awkward position with his children over the past 20 years. In many ways, in my brother’s mind he felt that he had every right to not talk to his children. Unfortunately, as right as we may each feel about what someone has done toward us, God’s example is to still seek forgiveness. My younger brother was given just a few short weeks to live in 2016. Upon notification of his short sentence in life, I received a very urgent message from someone. This person relayed a critical message of life and death at my feet. They said ‘Tell your brother that if he seeks forgiveness and forgives each of His children he will receive a miracle of life and live; however, if he does not, he will see death, just as the doctors have informed him. In many ways this was the best call I could have received as my brother was already given the prognosis of death, and suddenly God sent a message to speak life back into the circumstance. The message of life included my brother’s life and potentially renewed life with his children.
The sad reality, and the primary reason I write this story is to say … my brother died as the doctors said, but unfortunately he did not forgive his children. That moment will never be present again, on this side of heaven. I did not want to deal with this reality at the time it happened, but eventually as I went through another life and death ordeal myself I had to come to grips with this. Ironically, I found out that life and death were in the power of my brother’s tongue as well as my own my tongue. The bible did not lie or mislead. I opened my mouth before surgery and made sure I asked for forgiveness and forgave each of my children – as I expressed my love to them. Again, I was no poet, nor Charleston Heston as I asked, but my tongue moved in action to express my true hearts’ desire.
Abraham’s example as a Father
God had given Abraham the promise of being the father of many nations and allowed him to live a long life. In fact, in Genesis 15:5-6 God promises Abraham that his seed (offspring) would be more than he could ever count, and more than all the stars.
“He took him outside and said, "Look up at the sky and count the stars--if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” ~Gen 15:5-6
As I reflect on my story and Abraham’s story I can see a direct correlation of God’s desire that we should forgive people for any wrongs they have done. Abraham lived in a very sinful day when humanity was killing one another, sexually abusing one another, and living very vile lives. The location was called Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen 19:1-29). Listen to this interesting account of ‘Father’ Abraham. When God knew that all His children had crossed the line and it was time to punish them, Abraham stepped in and tried to have God spare His children. Abraham pleaded with God and had the following discussion:
“The men turned away and went toward Sodom, but Abraham remained standing before the Lord. Then Abraham approached him and said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous people in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of the fifty righteous people in it? Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you! Will not the Judge of all the earth do right?” The Lord said, “If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake.” Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five people?” “If I find forty-five there,” he said, “I will not destroy it.” Once again he spoke to him, “What if only forty are found there?” He said, “For the sake of forty, I will not do it.” Then he said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak. What if only thirty can be found there?” He answered, “I will not do it if I find thirty there.” Abraham said, “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, what if only twenty can be found there?” He said, “For the sake of twenty, I will not destroy it.” Then he said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?” He answered, “For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.” When the Lord had finished speaking with Abraham, he left, and Abraham returned home.” ~Gen 18:22-33
Abraham’s action showed God, that even though Abraham was hurt by the actions of the people, that he was still willing to seek forgiveness for the people. We can only assume that this spoke volumes to God’s heart. Abraham demonstrated a love for people and a willingness to let the worst of actions against God and himself be forgiven. We can assume that even though God destroyed the city, that Abrahams plea for his children touched God’s heart. The reason we can assume this is based on the fact that God makes the promise to Abraham that he would become the father of all nations, even at his old age.
Obtaining our Own Promises as Good Fathers
After reflecting on Abraham’s story, I must contemplate on a few things as I think through Abraham’s willingness to go well beyond to find goodness in people, even when they had crossed the line. The things I personally wonder about in my age are:
- If my younger brother would have forgiven his children, what would the outcome be?
- Did God allow me to make it through cancer, triple bypass heart surgery, and a broken neck because of my willingness to use my tongue to ask for forgiveness from God, my spouse, my children.
- Is forgiveness and love for other people that critical?
- Is there a direct correlation between forgiving, being forgiven and living a long life?
I believe the answer is a resounding ‘yes’ for each of these ponderings. Speaking on behalf of myself, I believe a three-way forgiveness has played a role in my long life. 1). Forgiveness to/from God 2). Forgiveness for sins I have committed against others and 3). Forgiveness of those who sinned against me. You see, I am no different than most people. I have committed sins against others and have had my children commit sins against me. The first responsibility I have is to humble myself before God and ask Him to forgive all my sins. Once, I have done this, the ability to speak with my tongue to forgive and be forgiven comes easy.
I am amazed that through each of my surgeries I felt God’s peace and God’s warmth as I simply followed and received the benefits of what the Bible says. The Bible states that God will make all my mistakes white as snow and that He will dwell with those who have a contrite and broken spirit and heart.
- Come now, let us settle the matter," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." For the mouth of the LORD has spoken. (Isaiah 1:18-20)
- The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
- For this is what the high and exalted One says-- he who lives forever, whose name is holy: "I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. (Isaiah 57:15)
When I approach God and ask for forgiveness He promises to forgive me, but also to dwell with me. I can assure you that through each surgery He has dwelled with me. However, more importantly, when I ask for forgiveness and God dwells with me, I can quickly overlook everything others have done to me, and humble myself to ask for forgiveness. This is exactly what Colossians 3:13 states “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Summary and Plea
I am extremely blessed to have made it to 81 years of age this August 28 2017. However, my heart hurts for all the people who have a heart of bitterness towards themselves or others. The root of bitterness has robbed some of the most productive years of my life, and rob many people of the rest of their life. The Bible warns in Hebrews 12:15 of this bitterness and states “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Bitterness has caused many people to suffer strokes, cancers, and other diseases as they allow themselves to be defiled from God’s grace and forgiveness.
God’s way and example through Jesus Christ is one of forgiveness. Luke 23:34 states “And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.” Even though the people violated Jesus, insulted Him, and eventually murdered Him, He still asked for them to be forgiven. My plea for each reader is to ask God for forgiveness and receive His love and forgiveness. At the end of this message are the simple ABC’s of being forgiven and receiving eternal peace through salvation. I plea with you to reason with God and never spend another day living with bitterness or forgiveness. Ephesians 6:3 states that “If you honor your father and mother, "things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth." I believe this verse to be true, but have now found as Abraham that the opposite may be true ‘Honor your children by forgiving them and being forgiven by them, and things will go well with you and you may live a long life on earth.
My granddaughter Jessica found this wonderful song by Sawyer Brown, that I encourage you to listen to as well as read. You can listen to the song at https://youtu.be/7zK8iOnDPFo. As you review the song words below, please note the words highlighted in yellow, as they illustrate the simple fact, that people are all asking for forgiveness, and that the Man (Jesus) who hung on the cross asked to have all the children be forgiven. Jesus’ willingness to ask for forgiveness is what makes Him unique and personally defeat death for all of us.
A mother, riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling, kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring, not knowing
What she's going through
Somebody said, "Don't you even care
Do you let 'em do that everywhere"
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said, "Please forgive them
But they've been up all night
Their father struggled
But he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven in the middle of the night
So please forgive my children"
Everybody's busy with their own situation
Everybody's lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up
Trying to make a dream come true
{They don't understand}
Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
'Cause you never really know
What your neighbor's going through
{They don't understand}
A man driving on the interstate
Slowing down traffic, making everybody late
Everybody's staring, not knowing
What he's going through
Somebody hollered, from the passing lane
Yelled out the window, "Hey, ain't got all day"
The old man looked around and caught his eye
He said, "Please forgive me
You know it's been a long life
My wife has passed away
And my kids don't have the time
I've been left all alone
And it's getting hard to drive
So please forgive me children"
A man, hanging on a wooden cross
Giving everything to save the lost
Everybody's staring, not knowing
What he's going through
Somebody said, "You don't have a prayer
If you were king, you'd come down from there"
The man just turned his head, looked up and stared
He said, "Please forgive them
For they have not seen the light
They'll come to know me when I come back to life
Go to heaven to make everything alright
So please forgive your children"
A mother, riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling, kicking up a fuss
Everybody's staring, not knowing
What she's going through.
The ABCs of Salvation
How to Become a Christian?
A—ADMIT
- Admit to God that you are a sinner
(Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23).
- Repent, turning away from your sin
(Acts 3:19; 1 John 1:9).
B—BELIEVE
- Believe that Jesus is God's Son and accept God's gift of forgiveness from sin
(Romans 5:8; Acts 4:12; John 3:16; John 14:6; Ephesians 2:8-9; John 1:11-13).
C—CONFESS
- Confess your faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord
(Romans 10:9-10,13).
Is it time for you to become a Christian?
God's Holy Spirit will help you know if you are ready to become a Christian. If it is not time for you to become a Christian, put this information away until later. If it is time for you to become a Christian, pray a prayer such as the one below.
Dear God:
I know I have sinned and that my sin separates me from You. I am sorry for my sin. I believe Jesus died on the cross for me so my sin can be forgiven. I believe Jesus rose from the dead and is alive.
God, please forgive me. I ask Jesus to come into my life and be my Savior and Lord. I will obey You and live for You the rest of my life.
Thank You. Amen.
Story told and inspired by Norman Mathews – 715-590-4576
Co-written by Jessica (Mathews) Angsomwine, Granddaughter
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